so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
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