You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
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