Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
