can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
