I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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