I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
organizing the empties. That sober.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
