i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Randomize
