Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
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