Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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