Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
