I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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