so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize
