so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
