I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
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