There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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