I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
