the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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