guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
