How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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