Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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