I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
