I skipped work to stalk him.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
