i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
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