I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
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