You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
