Heybabeimwearingurpanties
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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