I've blown a few things in my day
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Randomize
