I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
