you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Randomize
