Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Randomize
