I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
