My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
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