I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
I will pee on everything he values.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
