I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize
