your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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