also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
