my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
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