They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
