The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
