It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
