Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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