I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Randomize
