Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
