Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
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