saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Randomize
