he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
