UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
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