Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Randomize
