I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
