You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Randomize
